


Cracked Gem Confidential, Vol. 4: Day 100, part 2: something, something, rhymes with boogaloo.

by justinsbuzz



Series: Cracked Gem Confidential [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, M/M, Slapstick, crack and humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justinsbuzz/pseuds/justinsbuzz
Summary: Welp, welcome to day 100!yep..That's...That's honestly the best description i can think of for this. 3 stories, coffee, and sub-par sleep. the kind of high quality crack-fic that you, the reader, have come to expect, and the only stuff i can muster from my mind. So, enjoy, maybe?





	Cracked Gem Confidential, Vol. 4: Day 100, part 2: something, something, rhymes with boogaloo.

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, June is going to be a void month for me. college classes (ENG 102) start, with it being over 4 hours per class, three days a week, spanning 4 whole weeks. technically, most summer courses are akin to being thrown into a blender while being deep fried, but i digress.
> 
> Personally, for this month, i try to make the stories more 'Mother' Oriented, since mothers day is this month. but at the same time, 100 days since CYM. yep, time flies by like a Peridot being flung at a big, blue tyrant: Screaming in agony, fear of the unknown, and being facepalmed by another persons face. good times...

One mom too many.

The noise coming from the house could be heard from a block away. All of the gems that were uncorrupted were still partying and getting reacquainted with one another. All of the once quartz solders were gathered around the TV, watching as 4 of the once centipede’s playing a video game on Steven’s old consoles. An assorted group of obsidians of different types were attempting to shapeshift as well as amethyst, but only to turn into something best known as ‘nightmare fuel’. Garnet was socializing with everyone, explaining how fusion works, earth style, while poor pearl was shuttered away in the closet, trying not to think about the chaos that was ensuing outside. And finally, amethysts and jaspers were competing in arm-wrestling contests against each other. Not a total scene of chaos, but it was getting there.

All of the sudden, the front door was kicked opened with the force of a freight train, the 6th door this month. And standing in the doorway was a tall and imposing woman with dark and faintly graying hair, and a scowl that could send Diamonds running to the other side of the universe. It was Priyanka, and she was furious.

“Listen up!” The woman roared. She scanned the room to see an assortment of gems all over the place. Confused, but only for a moment, as to who she should direct her attention of sheer fury at. “OK. Who does the punishing around here?”

All of the gems looked at each other, very concerned for each other, since it looks like someone was going to get shattered. Garnet, on the other hand bravely stepped forward.

“What seems to be the problem, Mrs.” Garnet was attempting to say before Pearl shot out of the closet and ran in to hug Priyanka.

“Oh, thank the stars you’re here!” Pearl cried out. “Everything has gone off the rails! Glasses on the table without coasters, food everywhere, and they’re playing video games using cheat codes! Punish them. Punish them all!”

Priyanka looked down at a scared and nervous Pearl, unsure as to how to answer her properly. Looking back at Garnet, she was motioning them to peal Pearl off of them, which she did carefully. With Pearl clutching one of Garnet’s leg, the attention had turned back to the briefly interrupted situation at hand.

“Problem?” Garnet asked again.

“Yes. Big problem. Whoever does the punishing is going to have to help me deal with-” Prianka tried to reply, but ended up going outside for a quick moment, only to come back with Stevonnie, who’s ear was being pinched and dragged back into the house. “This! I leave them alone to study for 5 minutes and I come back to see that they’ve fused!”

“OW! Seriously, It’s not like that!” Stevonnie exclaimed. “We just reached for a pen at the same time and ended up bumping our hands together. We were just going for a pen, total accident!”

“Oh? ‘bumping hands’? Is that what the kids these days are calling it now?” Priyanka said, asking a question knowing that they wont come up with an answer. ”’Touching hands’? ‘Reaching for the same pen’? ‘A total accident and it’s not what you think it is’? Don’t toy with me, Amethyst told me everything about how fusion works!”

At that point, every pair of eyes turned onto Amethyst, who immediately shape-shifted into a purple, fluffy cat.

“In my defense; I’m a cat now.” Amethyst said, without skipping a beat. “That’s on you for believing a cat when I say that fusion was a metaphor for-”

“Not. Another. Word. From you.” Garnet stopped Amethyst before things turned awkward. Amethyst, pouting, jumped down from the kitchen counter and strutted away with her tail raised high, as a way of mooning everyone in the room. “Anyway, punishment. For something like this, it seems like an accident. happens all the time.”

“Happens all the time?” Priyanka asked in disbelief. “OK, clearly, you’re the overly rational one. Where’s Pearl, she seems to properly deal with something like this.”

“You know I’m a fusion, right?” Garnet asked, pulling her glasses down to show all three eyes, and one lifted eyebrow.

“Yes, I remember the wedding. And also, congratulations. And also, it was beautiful. And I’m kind of jealous. And also, shut up.” Priyanka muttered, lowering her voice after every sentence.

This left Garnet giving a cheeky grin before they all heard a loud footstep from the second floor above them. One slow step after another. The sound then began to grow louder the closer it got to the stairway. After a few moments, a much larger, but not as threatening, looking woman emerged from the stairway. Jasper just woke up from her nap, looking tired, but apathetic.

“hrmmm.” Jasper grunted. “Heard the words ‘punishment’ and ‘fusion’, and I came to watch the show.”

Many of the gems were still intimidated by jasper, but after being brought back to a state of semi-normalcy, she seems to be more aloof, but never any less intimidating and visually frightening. Even Priyanka was taken aback, remembering the photos she saw of jasper when Steven and Connie went on their first mission. She began to have second thoughts about punishing Stevonnie for fusing.

“You know…never mind. Teens will be teens.” Priyanka said, trying her best to smile.

“Hmm, fusion. A cheap tactic for making moments more romantic.” Jasper said apathetically. “Teens will be teens, true, but Steven, you’re grounded.”

“WHAT? I just accidentally bumped into her hand. Seriously?!” Stevonnie exclaimed. “Oh man, it’s Homeworld all over again.”

“No excuses. Grounded for a week, and extra training time to see how you and Connie can stop fusing so easily.” Jasper said. “Fair?”

Priyanka nodded vigorously in agreement.

“Yep. Sure. 1 week.” Priyanka said, letting go of Stevonnie’s ear as they unfused. 

“Lets go home, Connie.” Priyanka said, walking fast to the car.

“But mom! Seriously, it was an accident!” Connie said, trying to reason with Priyanka.

“We’ll talk later.” Priyanka said, beginning to jog faster.

“If you’re even remotely worried about Steven’s wellbeing, maybe slow down?” Connie said, trying to keep up with Priyanka’s long legs.

Inside the packed house, all attention turned back onto Steven, who was blushing brightly, but ultimately scared of Jasper, who didn’t seem to be angry at all.

“Well, first part of the punishment, clean this place up. Second, see all other mom-gems for additional inquiries. I don’t feel like trying to burying you. That’s going to be Amethysts job.” Jasper said bluntly. “That’s how grounding works, right Amethyst?”

“Yep. Bury him up to the neck on the beach. He belongs to the sea now.” Amethyst said, while trying to clean herself in cat form.

“Amethyst.” Garnet said in a low tone

OK, fine, just give him a ton of chores and take away his cellphone and computer, if you want to be boring about it.” Amethyst said, admitting that she might have been wrong.

“OK, going back to bed. You guys take care of this.” Jasper said, slowly walking up the stairs.

For the sake of truth and fairness, Steven did kind of gave Connie a small kiss on the cheek.

\--------

Day 100, Part 2: Something, something, rhymes with boogaloo

 

The southern beachfront was a sight of confusion and chaotic spectacle. Outside the Funland arcade, people were grouped up and looking at the edge of the roof at a strange looking, lime green, person holding a tablet. Peridot was looking nervous and paranoid, staring down at the crowd, who were watching back in anticipation as Peridot was figuring out her next move. She then notices the crowd slowly separated, showing Doug trying to drag a large, plastic, inflatable cushion towards the front of the Funland arcade, below Peridot.

“Yeah. No, don’t mind me, I’m just dragging a 200lb inflatable bed that could save that poor gems life.” Doug said, trying to breathe. “I don’t need any help at all, thanks for asking, F’amethyst’s!”

Nearby, a few Amethysts, including Jasper wearing an apron saying ‘Jaspers Churros” were standing near a churro stand, slowly eating up all of the churros to the point one of the smaller amethysts were eating all of the cinnamon sugar.

“Nah, you got this, Doug!” One of the Amethysts cheered on. “Work dem glutes, dude! Priyanka will thank you!”

Doug had a shocked and startled look on his face hearing that while staring in the middle of the crowd.

“Better than Ocean City, Doug. Better than Ocean City. Where’s Greg?” Doug muttered to himself.

“Can’t. touch of asthma. Trying to blow something like that up would kill me.” Greg said nearby “I’ll go check my van and see if I have a bicycle pump. Be right back!”

 

While Greg ran off to get the bicycle pump, but ended up walking the rest of the way after a dozen meters. the scene on the rooftop wasn’t too great either. Peridot stared down at her tablet, where she was in the midst of trying to write, but was stuck. All she could do was to sit on the ledge and hope an idea would come to her. But from behind, a door slowly opened, with Stevonnie walking out.

“Peri?” Stevonnie calmly said, trying to be as gentile as possible. “Peridot? How’s…um…things?”

“100 days.” Peridot replied, sounding frustrated. “It’s been 100 days since we’ve came back from Homeworld. 100 days since we landed to find that Connie was cloned twice and was attending a concert with her uptight parents. 100 days since we uncorrupted the corrupted gems. 100 days since you made that little song.”

Peridot grew more and more aggravated as she continued listing stuff off.

“But at the same time, 100 days since you, Connie, the gems and the Diamonds escaped Homeworld. 100 days since you and Connie started dating. 100 days. 100 days! 100 DAYS! 100 FREAKING DAYS! GRAWR!!!!”

The situation had escalated somewhat as Peridot was pounding her head against the tablet.

“Peridot, I understand more than anyone.” Stevonnie said. “It’s been a rough 100 days. Everything is confusing and nothing makes sense anymore. I mean, are we dating? Are we just squarely platonic? Do we exist beyond this fanfic? Are we even considered cannon?”

“That’s exactly my point, nothing makes sense anymore!” Peridot yelled, nearly loosing balance before stabilizing herself. “And now, we’re doing this apparently. Author’s running dry. Cannon, fanfic, other people’s fanart. I mean, who am I with: Lapis or Amethyst? Is Jasper ever going to get a redemption out of all of this? Is even White Diamond going to play any part in this madness? Seriously, IS SHE?!”

Both Blue and Yellow Diamonds were sitting on the beach nearby, while their respected pearls were sitting on their shoulders, watching the spectacle with everyone else, with Yellow looking quite entertained.

“Meh. We’ll see how it plays out.” Blue said apathetically. “I mean, she shouldn’t be that hard of a character to write, but here we are.”

“And the cure? How’s that going to go down without her? Seriously, I. Have. HAD IT!” Peridot screeched, only moments before her face turned blank, and a sly, mischievous grin formed. “hee-hee. I know what to do.”

“Do…do you?” Stevonnie said, sounding nervous. “What? What are you doing?”

“All it needs is a push. Something to get those writers to do something. Something to get this stupid author to write something coherent.” Peridot said, tapping furiously on the tablet.

“Listen, Peridot.” Stevonnie cautiously started to speak. “The writers, It’s not their fault. They’re working on a movie as well. A. Real. Movie. Not an hour-long thing, I’m talking possibly 2 hours! They can’t go from doing the movie and the show whenever they want. Lines will get crossed. Things will get confusing for the viewers.”

“And things aren’t already confusing?!” Peridot growled while furiously typing on her tablet. “Where does one end and the other begin? What is this place? Where are we? What are we?”

“We’re just cannon inspired characters in a half baked crackfic written last minute before the license on the word document expires.” Stevonnie pleaded to Peridot whose fingers were still swiftly moving across the screen. “The author had things lined up but need the drive to create. The will to write! You have got to relate to that on some level!”

“That’s the biggest problem. The author. All they need is a push. Well, I have one for you, you miserable clod!” Peridot sneered at the tablet before raising it in the air in front of everyone, who looked on in absolute shock as to what she might do. “Civilian clods of Beach City! I demand your immediate attention! What I have in my hand is a devastating device that will alter our realities forever!”

The crowd gasped in shock, except for Doug, who was gasping for air, trying to inflate the large inflatable mattress.

“Tons of cash from tourism. City can’t afford a decent pump. What. The. Heck?” Doug said between breaths, looking really tired, but seems to be making some progress, but only some.

“That’s right, Doug! I have the power to give you an electric air pump to inflate that weird thing!” Peridot screamed down at him.

“Can. You?” Doug asked, almost about to pass out.

“No.” Peridot said flatly, leaving Doug to continue his harsh labor himself, but not before asking around to the other gems.

“F’amethyst’s? How bout you? You look like you have a set of lungs to blow a sailboat. Little help?” Doug asked, looking at the F’amethyst’s, who were confused.

“Nah, dude. No lungs. We’re made of light.” One of the Amethysts said, breaking the last churro in half and giving it to the smallest, feral like Amethyst. “Besides, you’re doing great. Keep it up!”

Doug was on deaths door as he continued blowing into the inflatable bed.

“Peridot. Whatever you’re thinking of doing.” Stevonnie tried to call out to Peridot, but was interrupted by Peridot.

“Stay back, you two!” Peridot spun around, but not loosing balance. “Stay back or else!”

“Or else what? You’ll jump? You’re a peridot, you’re as touch as they come. A small fall wont harm you. I think.” Stevonnie blurted out, and not sure who really said that in the first place.

“Oh, I won’t jump.That won’t harm me, but I can do something worse.” Peridot sneered, showing the tablet to Stevonnie. At first, they weren’t quite sure what it said, but it slowly dawned on them that it was the beginning of a hastily made fanfic. “I can hurt you.”

“Peridot. You don’t want to hurt me, or anyone. The hiatus is always painful, but we always make it through no matter what.” Stevonnie said gently. “Come on, lets get down from here, take a nice walk, and think about flexibility, trust, and l-”

“Losing our minds!” Peridot interrupted, but then noticed that Stevonnie was moving closer to her. “STAY BACK, OR I”LL WRITE CONNIE FERAL!”

The crowd gasped, while Doug was gasping for another reason, and Yellow Diamond and her pearl started laughing.

“Do it!” Yellow pearl screeched out. “Make Connie go feral!”

Peridot’s eyes widened as she slowly started typing.

“…. And then, Connie took a big bite out of a disgusting double cheeseburger, made rare!” Peridot spoke while typing out loud. Loud enough for the crowd to hear and to react with fear and disgust.

“NO!” Stevonnie yelled, tears streaking down her face. “She would never eat that! She’s into grilled chicken and tomato wrapped in a large lettuce leaf! What is wrong with you?”

Peridot cackled loudly at the frightened screams and shocked faces.

“That’s just the start of it! Talking to you, author! You too Crewniverse! Either cough up the episodes you already made, because I know you’re holding out on me! Or I’ll make it a whole lot worse.

At this time, Blue Diamond and her Pearl was beginning to cry, but trying to hold back the tears, at the thought of their precious princess doing something so out of character. And in the crowd, Priyanka emerged, looking absolutely furious.

“YOUNG LADY” Priyanka roared from below. “COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT BEFORE I HAVE TO GO UP THERE AND THROW YOU INTO A ROCK TUMBLER WITH SOME BROKEN, RUSTY NAILS!”

“Seriously, Peridot. She will do it too. She still has the one she got when she was in high school, hasn’t used it since, but she never found the right time to use it…. until now.” Stevonnie said, sounding very frightened. “Please. No more. The Crewniverse can only have so much say in how things are aired, and the author of all of this is running on empty with deadlines creeping up on them. They have no control. But you do! just come to me. Please. Before it gets worse.”

For a moment, peridot was contemplating walking towards her before hearing a buzzing sound from behind her. Stevonnie’s eyes widened as the trap was blown. Amethyst, shapeshifted into a done, and carrying Pearl were mere inches from grabbing peridot. In a sudden and swift move, Peridot grabbed the cover from one of the air conditioning vents and threw it at them, causing Amethyst to lose balance and Pearl flailing in the air before being caught by Garnet in the exact place Pearl was going to fall.

“THAT TEARS IT!” Peridot roared loudly. “YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES!”

Peridot’s attention turned to the tablet. And as she continued to write, she spoke out loud in a demonic like voice.

“And with her lips, slobbering with grease from the hamburger, gave a big, sloppy, definitely not rated for teen or general audience, kiss….to Jeffry!”

The crowd beneath them screamed in terror at what Peridot had just said. All except Yellow Diamond and her pearl, who was laughing really hard to the point the ground rumbled to their bellowing laughter.

Stevonnie snapped. Their skin burned like fire, eyes turned a deep red. The laws of thermal and combustion dynamics would dictate that the ground beneath them should melt, but it didn’t. all that energy was focused on Peridot. And in a split second, Stevonnie could not be seen, for all there was to see was a deep red blur. And just as soon as they disappeared, Stevonnie appeared, inches away from Peridot, fangs bared and eyes of fire. Peridot’s end is nigh.

“THAT’S. NOT. CANNON!” Stevonnie roared as they spartan kicked Peridot square in the face, due to the lack of height. At this point, as Peridot was knocked backwards, she began to really think about life. Her choices, and more importantly, the font she wanted to use for her fanfic.

Doug was still blowing on the giant inflatable bed when Peridot slammed right into the ground, 3 feet away from a barely inflated bed. The impact didn’t cause her too poof, but enough to knock any wind or energy from her body. All anyone could do is stand and look on as Peridot laid there, defeated, and her tablet for some unknown reason remained intact.

“Three feet? Seriously?” Doug groaned as he passed out on the ground, inches away from Peridot. 

At that moment, Greg jogged up to Doug, while looking at a knocked-out Peridot, and a Stevonnie who was gently fluttering down from the rooftop, still looking perturbed.

“too…. too late for the bike pump?” Greg asked, catching his breath.

“eh…missed it by a few moments.” Stevonnie said, nudging Peridot to see if she was still alive in some compacity. “Not like it would have helped. Peridot ended up breaking the 3rd law of Beach City.”

“The Shipping Law?” Greg asked, looking shocked. 

“Yup.” Stevonnie said, stull nudging Peridot until she groaned, confirming that she’s still alive. “The hiatus does things to people. 100 days can mess up most of us, but for people and gems like Peridot, it doesn’t take much to be pushed over the edge.”

“Or in her case, kicked.” Said a voice from behind. Lapis, whom could have helped the entire time by flying up there and getting Peridot down, was leaning on the light pole, and playing around on her cellphone.

“And how long we’re you standing there?” Pearl said, walking over to her with her arms crossed.

“Long enough to post a video of Peridot getting kicked off a building after declaring Connie’s love for sloppy hamburgers and kisses.” Lapis smirked, before having her phone ripped from her hands by Stevonnie and chucked into the sea. “You know, if you wanted me to delete that, I would have to use the that. You know, the thing you just chucked in the ocean. Nice arm by the way.”

Stevonnie was left in a state of bittersweet shock. For now, until the end of civilization as they knew it, Peridot’s horrific vocal false claim paired with Stevonnie’s epic kicking, will not be forever immortalized in the digital halls for all eternity. Or until a newer format comes out and the servers that have the video gets destroyed. But from behind them, they heard soft footsteps. As they turned, they saw Onion, who had walked up to the still uninflated bed. Onion then looked down at the inflation hole with a strange sense of curiosity. As Onion went to pick up the airway part of the inflatable, Doug didn’t bother to stop him.

“Yeah…sure kid…. knock yourself out. I think there’s a hole in it, but…. whatever.” Doug said, still wheezing and trying to catch his breath.

At that point, things went from normal, to really weird, as Onions eyes turned completely white. And with a quick, small inhale, Onion strangely inflated the large bed in a split second, revealing that it was never a bed, but a large yellow duck.

“OH, COME ON!” Doug yelled before passing out. Priyanka, standing nearby, gave out a sigh, and walked over to a passed-out Doug and throwing him over her shoulders.

“OK, you. Let’s get to the clinic for some oxygen.” Priyanka said, beginning to walk through the now thinning crowd. Before hearing something from behind her.

“Heh… don’t you mean some… mouth to mouth…resuscitation?” Peridot groaned, but mockingly cackled at the same time. In a quick second, Priyanka did a 180 degree turn on a dime, marched over to Peridot, and kicked her in the ribs 3 times.

“That was for saying that Connie would eat undercooked, heavy caloric food. That was for you saying that Connie would just kiss someone other than Biscuit. And THAT is for implying that I’m not a medical professional who doesn’t take their career seriously!” Priyanka said, still peeved about Peridot’s little antics, before storming away, Doug’s legs dangling about like a crash test dummy.

As she walked away, Onion began to mumble in a low tone, causing the inflated yellow duck to rise like a helium inflated balloon. Just before his legs left the ground, he grabbed Peridots hand, and floated away with her.

“What the…. where are we going?” Peridot mumbled, still sore from being kicked 4 times and falling off a roof, in one day.

“We shall go and search for your lost sanity, my child.” Onion said, in a very low and cracked voice. “And when we do, we shall go on a magical journey of self-discovery and redemption. Now we fly, my strange sour, green, lima bean of a gem.”

“Oh.” Peridot replied. “One of those arcs. Well, if I must leave, I just want to say, from the bottom of my gem, that…good luck trying to get the thought of your parents kissing out of your head, Stevonnie!”

Peridot cackled madly as she and Onion flew off into the sun. leaving only a few people behind, especially lapis, who seemed to not be shocked at the turn of events.

“Oh no. stop. Come back. Eh, she’s gone.” Lapis said flatly as she began to walk away. “Welp, time to have a yard sale.”

The street, apart for Greg, Stevonnie, and the crystal gems, was empty. Those who remained are stuck thinking about everything that had just transpired in front of them; Peridot going over the literal edge, Onion seeming having dark and unknowable powers, and the fact that there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to this kind of lunacy. 

Suddenly, from their peripheral vision, Stevonnie saw a bright blue butterfly. It wings an illuminating bright blue, and slowly flapping towards them, almost with a universal purpose. It was a thought. But to Stevonnie, it was a thought they REALLY don’t want to have.

“No. No!” Stevonnie exclaimed, beginning to run awkwardly towards the beach. “Stay…stay away from me! Back you fowl winged thought! Go back from whence you came, cursed, rogue, Cognitive Rhopalocera! NO!!!”

Stevonnie gunned it to the beach, running as fast as she could, only to have the strangely haunting butterfly catching up to them. Once they reached the waterline, the butterfly disappeared, catching its prey, and forcing Stevonnie to their knees in anguish.

“NO! I don’t need to see that! No, no, NO!” Stevonnie wailed “OUT! Out, you doomed thought! My parents aren’t like that! OUT! GET OUT! NO!!!”

As Stevonnie began to physically roll their way towards the temple like a runaway log, all Greg, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl could do is look on helplessly.

“It’s going to be a long summer, isn’t it?” Greg asked worryingly.

“Yep.” Garnet replied. “But we’ll all get through it together.”

“Albeit, not with our sanity in tact though.” Pearl said with the same tone that Greg had.

“Dunno about you guys, but I’m gonna be living in Greg’s storage shed until all of, well, ‘this’ ends.” Amethyst added in, waving her arms around the view of Stevonnie rolling away, and Peridot being carried off by Onion. 

This, truly, will be a long summer.

 

\--------

 

Behind the hair

Peridot stood very still behind the trash can near the Big Donut. She had been standing there all day, spying on Yellow Diamond, who was knelt down and staring directly at a mailbox with intense purpose. She, too, had been kneeling there as well since sun rise. Originally, she was studying the purpose of a ‘mail man’ despite the sheer fact that half of all the mailmen she’s met were women. Beach City only has two people delivering the mail, and Jamie was the only one that would purposely live in a bush to avoid the large scary woman he had confusing feelings for. Admitting a crush can be hard sometimes.

As Peridot sat and stared at Yellow Diamond, looking almost ready to pounce on her, Garnet and Amethyst snuck up behind her.

“Whacha doin there, Per?” Amethyst asked before seeing Yellow Diamond a block away from them. “Oh. That. Oh boy.”

“Are you still afraid of Yellow Diamond, Peridot?” Garnet asked cautiously.

“What? No! No of course not!” Peridot turned around to protest, only realizing that she shouldn’t raise her voice. “I’m not afraid of that…that clod.”

“Peridot. Come on now.” Garnet said kindly. “You have to let go of that feeling. Yellow’s now like you. She’s a crystal gem. She probably doesn’t have any hard feelings about what had happened. She seems to have mellowed out for the most part.”

“Yep. I once saw ‘Mellow Yellow’ playing hide and go seek with Jamie.” Amethyst said, with a sudden realization coming afterwards. “Then again, it might have been one sided, since Jamie was trying not to scream, and running as fast as he could with a love letter in his hands. Seems like he might have a preference, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes. His preference is Kevin. We’ve talked about this, Amethyst.” Garnet said. “We ship ‘Kevamie’ now. It’s cannon now. End of discussion.”

“Oh! Kevamie! I thought you said we were shipping…. something completely different.” Amethyst said, looking really nervous. “I…I need to make a few calls. Be right back. Have fun pining for Mellow Yellow’s heart, Peri.”

Garnet, making a mental note to figure out what Amethyst had done now, turned her attention to Peridot.

“What are you doing here, Peridot?” She asked calmly to a visibly paranoid Peridot.

“That…that hair…Is that hair?” Peridot replied, looking back at Yellow’s unusual looking hair style. “I mean, is it a new kind of hair style from Homeworld? Is it really a helmet? Is she hiding an exposed brain or something? Seriously, What’s with the doo?”

“Never gave too much thought about her hair, but you might have a point.” Garnet acknowledge Peridot’s curiosity. “We should go ask her.”

“What? No! If we did that, she would shatter our gems into pieces!” Peridot exclaimed, while trying to keep her voice down.

“Hmm. You’re right, Peridot.” Garnet said. “YOU should go ask her.”

Peridot buried her head into the palm of her hand as became disillusioned with the idea of either doing this on her own, or with Garnet’s help. But in looking down, she came up with an ingeniously terrible idea.

“Quick! Fling me at her hair!” Peridot said, looking at Garnet with determination. “Flick me at her like a booger!”

“Um…no.” Garnet said flatly. “No. No, not going to that.”

“Oh, come on! Please? Just fling me at her head.” Peridot pleaded. “There’s no point trying to ask her. We need a direct approach, and what more direct that throwing me at breakneck speeds towards her hair?”

“I don’t fling my friends at other friends.” Garnet replied. “I won’t do that to you. I rid myself of this madness. Have fun stalking her.”

“Wait! All you have to do is just throw me at her, and run into the ocean. That clod won’t suspect a thing.” Peridot reasoned with Garnet with an unreasonable idea. “I mean, what better reason to fling me at someone like Yellow Diamond than to answer an age-old question of ‘what’s up with that hair?’.”

“Flinging someone because they make fun of your OTP.” Garnet answered.

A light switch faintly lit up in Peridots mind. A dangerous, if not the worst plan in existence, came to mind.

“Ruphire is overrated and are better off as platonic friends.” Peridot stated flatly. 

That statement was all Garnet needed to grab Peridot by the arm, swing her around 4 times, and let loose the fury of a thousand suns in the form of throwing Peridot at high velocity. Peridot could be heard screaming ‘yeet’ if it weren’t for the fact that she broke the sound barrier. she was on course, but was going in too hot. The wind whipped around Peridot, ultimately shattering her visor. She was able to see Yellow Diamond head up close, but was not able to ma-

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**Author's Note:**

> so, heads up, got two more stories i need to crank out before june. might come back with another issue in July. fingers crossed. thanks for reading!


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